domingo, 21 de octubre de 2018
so very done
So now, dying is easy, living is hard. Nothing but te choice between living and leaving... It is my decision. Does it really is??? Maybe not. Still I am here, and pain still remains. It is like the gmork, servant of the power behind the nothing. It is eating dreams, Because the nothing is dying, because this world is feeded by human dreams, human dreams are gone so the nothing is growing... Yes, now I am talking about the never ending story... It takes a lot to live, to ask for help To be yourself, to know and love what you live with, It takes a lot to breathe, to touch, to feel the slow reveal of what another body needs, What are you so afraid to lose? What is it you're thinking that will happen if you do?... So that, then if we are going to dye anyway, I ´d rather prefer to dye fighting. Than waiting for the world to fall...
But i dont want to be here anymore anyway. What if i am still Under attack. I am tired. I am done. I need to be punished about what i have done about what i have allowed to happend. It is all my fault. How do i stop? How do i quitt? How do I kill miself without hurting others, without making them feel guilty. All that guilt is mine, dont you get it?!
It is not that i look miself as fat at the mirror. It is i Want to kill inside by slowly dying. Or maybe quickly. I want them to kill me for once and forever. I dont want to be me who do that. I dont want to do it in that way in which everyone Notice i did it. It has to be in another way. I am sick I am tired, I am alone, I am so very done. It is a slow process, and quitting wont speed it up. They say. No. And it is true. Quit wont speed, but it would stop. That is exactly what i want. Just stop it all. Because it wont stop and i am so tired, i am just so done.